Thursday, October 16, 2014

The misconceptions of Domination and my personal reflections...

Since starting my personal journey into the fetish and female domination world this past January, I have learned so much and feel like a light has been lit in a tunnel for me. One of those ahah! moments where I discovered something new about myself, something new that I've had with me since birth but had yet to come to fruition. My then 26 year old self felt a hint of glee and inspiration, a flame that has not gone out.

I've never been too shocked about peoples fetishes, I suppose because since I have been in the adult industry in some way since 2008 I've heard and seen so many different things over that time period (since age 20) that finally finding "fetish" was more of an OH this is what it's called more than a "uh what?" haha moment.

Though I know many are not like me and do not have the experiences I have via the online world of web camming and video creation (especially customs) for so long. Explaining Domination and submission to someone can result in the deer in head light moment that just keeps on going. It's like you shoved too much food in your friends mouth and they want more but can't say so. Least that is how I look at it *snickers.

I would have never thought that so soon I could be in the position to teach others about my knowledge in just under a years time. But I think I find myself different than others (I did not say better I said different-though if I want to toot my own horn I will! TOOT TOOT!) That I sincerely enjoy this new found world of mine and I do anything I can to make sure that every week, sometimes daily, I'm learning something new that only makes me better at being a Dom and thirsty for more information and experiences.

Over the course of this time Brooke and I introduced our clips4sale store and it evolved into being almost purely fetish based which peeked her interest. I've enjoyed helping and explaining things to her and seeing her interest organically grow and find the world of fetish so fun and inviting. So much so she is opening her own solo feteish/femdom store and I just know she will be really great and successful at it. Fly birdie fly!

Recently I've also introduced my girl friend Natalie into my new world and was she ever interested and eager to learn more. Which is nice-and oh so much fun. Especially when we created our Lesbian Domination 1 video. I would say it was a true "session" that we both enjoyed. If you have seen the video than you can surely attest to that. The smile and twinkle in my eye is pure dominating pleasure.

I think so many people think of Domination and submission as this horrifying sexual act/pro longed actions that takes place where the submissive has no control over what is going on and is "used". When this is so far from the truth. That pain is not an option but required. That being submissive is weak.
While in the brutal truth, being submissive takes a lot of strength. When someone decides to be submissive to another, their Dom they are trusting them to give to them what they need while giving to their Dom what that person needs. Pain need not be any part of a session and there are rules set before most sessions so that both people know limits, safe words etc.

Domination and submission is like a dive into deep waters that even though you are not sure if you can breathe underwater you should try and swim far as you can anyways. It is about pushing yourself to the point that you are not sure if you can take anymore, relaxing and letting someone else take control. The true submissive mind state is one that is thinking of nothing else but how to listen, react and act to their leaders commands.

Whether this is an online session or in person, the same rules apply. At any point one can deem that enough is enough and to scale back or to end the session. Losing control while being submissive does not mean you've lost total control of the situation. Trust, communication and honesty is important to a good D/s relationship.

Which, going back to Natalie and I's D/s orgasm denial video we made-I've known Natalie for over 15 years. She trusts me to not do more than she can handle and I trust myself to bring her new experiences that will open her eyes and only make her want more. A D/s relationship is equal ownership of each persons sexual needs and desires.

Submission is power to understand your own needs, to act on them with responsibility and utilize it to your best ability. It is a strength to be a submissive and to serve another, while giving to them what they request you are giving to yourself mentally and physically what you crave. Whatever those boundaries are that are marked out between the two people. Pain is pleasure for some, others do not want any pain. Some like humiliation others only want to be sensually dominated. Every fetish triggers a different release in someone. Fulfilling a need. Humans are a very sexual species and we are always evolving into using that for ultimate pleasure.

I think people think of a female dom and think of whips, chains and cruelty a woman with no heart except to damage. Far from the truth. A lot of negative Nancy's like to say "so and so is not a dom because she does this or that". Which is laughable in so many ways. Variety and uniqueness is the spice of life. I like to think I've carved out a spot for myself being truly who I'm. A true GOOD Dom, cares about her subs mental and physical beyond a session. Once again, there can be many different varieties of care and boundaries laid out in relationships. Some are an exchange of money for an experience while others are behind closed door relationships. I give back to this world we live in, in many ways, as much as I mentally, monetarily and physically can. At the end of the day I would rather be well versed and well rounded than stuck on one end of a spectrum or another. But knowing myself leads to living a better life, a richer inner life. As there is so much more to life then what we see with our eyes.

Domination has always been a part of me. I was very asexual as a teen though and really had no interest in sex, boyfriends or anything. I think I was still playing with barbies at age 14. But I can think back to the few instances while under 18 that now it makes sense that being in control, seduction has always been something that I craved and needed. I had a boy friend for almost a year that I never even kissed (maybe once?) I think age 15-16? and one time I lit candles while his father went to the grocery store, hiked up my jean skirt and then seduced him...until his father came downstairs and caught us. (laughs) I don't even think the seduction included kissing. This attests to my true nature, I'm all about the tease, the seduction and denial. And if you can handle that, there is a reward at the end. I always say...the journey is just as important as the destination. (if not more so)

I left so many relationships because what I was seeking was something that was still unknown to myself. I think if I had known what I do now life could possibly have played out in a very different way.

I also remember boy friends I had that I would say I broke quite a few hearts in a row and became quite hardened to the fact that boys (as I wouldn't call any of them men at that age of my interests) quite bored me at that age. I always attest to liking older men and it isn't a D/s thing it's more of a maturity and ability to handle ME type of thing. If I can not be in control of a relationship or situation I have no interest and will just walk away. Figuratively or emotionally. A real man can hold my interest...because I'm easily distracted in so many ways. And not a whore dog on side of street trying to hump a light pole type of distracted either. I've  never been the type to slut around though I've had my adventures at times. I guess when you make men cry and feel no remorse you know what type of person you are. (once again if you understand Domination and submission in any way you know that I did not mean that maliciously) Or did I? muahaha. Kidding.

So when you watch my life unfold here and my journey into new things, I would like to think you are doing it without judgement or maybe a gentle curiosity into your own sexual psychology.

Enjoy. The pleasures of life are part of our acute happiness. Experience that safely and appropriately. You never know what you may discover about your own self. 


  1. Thank you for this. This was extremely helpful and more needed than you could realize.